doing it for the process
Lately, it’s been a struggle to get into the studio. I sit at my drawing board, sometimes for an hour, without a movement towards my pencils. I sit there and stare, overcome with anxiety, stress, and a great longing to be anywhere else but there. 2021 was meant to be a beautiful year; a new year beginning with a series of African animals, but creating that series has been an absolute struggle.
I love the studio. I love my job. I love drawing and creating artwork, but I just haven’t had the motivation or the passion to create the work. Any work. I’ve been slowly, tediously, working on the same piece for nearly a month when in reality I should have had it completed within a week. It’s not that I don’t like the actual artwork itself (I did have that awful moment which every artist goes through where you’re sure you need to rip it all up so it never sees the light of day but that passed as it always had in the past), neither is it as if I don’t want to be an artist anymore. I just feel stuck.
I hear this all time time from other artists - A mental block. And I think it’s the above word that’s the problem.
Should.
I should be working. I should be drawing. This should be done by now.
It’s a paralysing thought, and as someone who already suffers from anxiety the feels just deepen and worsen. What’s happening, I think, is I’m taking what I believe to be the expectations of other people and bringing them into the studio with me. I sit there with their judgements and their expectations compared to how long this piece is taking, whether or not it’s good enough to display to the world. I’ve been putting too much emphasis on the end product, and therefore not enjoying the process of creating it.
A couple of years ago (quite a few now actually) Emily Jeffords had this same issue and created the hashtag #doitfortheprocess to combat it. In essence, create art for yourself - create art because you enjoy creating, enjoy the process and the feelings that it gives you instead of the end product. Enjoying the process rather than the expected end result. Create for yourself rather than for the buyer and your practice will thank you for it later.
I obviously need to make a change to my studio practice so I can “do it for the process” more often. I’ve been thinking about starting a small sketchbook project - a sketchbook page every day, just for me. I don’t need to post it to Instagram if I choose not to, I don’t have to let anyone else see it except myself should I choose. Hopefully while working on my sketchbook in the studio I will once again begin to enjoy my studio practice and find joy every time I walk through my beautiful double doors.
I think I also need to re-evaluate what’s important to my studio practice, to spend time on the parts that matter and let go of what doesn’t. If there’s a part of my studio practice that gives me anxiety or a bad taste in my mouth, I need to either let go of it or delegate it to another person.
My work is important and needs to be centre stage.
The more time I spend writing blog posts (hello) or perfecting a social media post, the less time I’m spending on my work, and therefore each piece is taking longer and longer to produce, creating unneeded anxiety and stress. The work needs to come first, always.
Is this blog important?
I actually enjoy writing - I have a journal that I write in every morning, three full pages Morning Pages style. But I need to re-evaluate what I’m writing and who I’m writing for. What do I enjoy reading? What do I want to know from other artists? Or the artists that I love? Well, I want to know what's going on in their studio. I want to know they’re thoughts and feelings and struggles and how they’ve overcome them. So instead of an educational blog, this will be a second journal, a blog of connection. I want to connect with you, and I would love for you to connect with me, learn my studio practice and the updates coming out of my studio.
Social media is a waste of time.
Social media is important, but deserves a lot less attention and stress than I’m allowing it to have. Organising my photos, posts, reels etc on one day and letting them go for the week should be my course of action. Marketing is important, but sometimes done is good enough, and a half-assed post is sometimes better than not posting at all.
Fuck YouTube.
I don’t enjoy being in front of the camera, and since creating YouTube as a goal at the beginning of this year I’ve been stressing about creating the videos for it. But I know it will take time away from my artwork, and it’s probably not a media I should be putting a lot of energy into right now (I’m struggling to create weekly 30-second reels for instagram - I don’t know how youtube will be any easier!)
Avoiding burnout
Taking a break is important. Sundays are to become my day off - no social media, no studio (I won’t even step into the room!), no work, just rest. One day off a week is important, especially if I hope to avoid burn-out. And by having a set schedule, I can get housework done, grocery shopping etc without it eating into my work day.
This internal struggle I’ve been dealing with over the past month, it sucked. I never want to go through it again, I never want to feel anxiety, stress or fear when I walk through my studio doors. My art studio is meant to be my haven, my sanctuary, so I obviously need to protect my creativity more than I have been, protect my time, and start creating just to create.